Back to Basics

God and I, we understand each other.

Well...if I'm being honest, I can't even begin to understand God; our minds aren't equipped to fathom that kind of love and forgiveness. I guess it's better to say that God really understands me. 


Life has been an absolute roller coaster these past few weeks. I hope in the near future I will be able to divulge more about this, but now is not the time. It's too soon and the wounds are still to fresh. What is crucial for you to know right now is that the past events have sparked a new fire in me and sent me back to the basics.

My whole life, I've been judged. You're probably judging me right now reading this blog. ("I don't like her writing style. She missed a comma here....") I was always too short, too plain, my parents didn't make enough money, my car wasn't cool, my clothes weren't trendy enough; I was too boy crazy, too loud, too emotional, and too animated. You name it, and I've probably heard it in the form of a personal attack. None of what others said about me really mattered, though, because I've always been a much harsher judge of my behavior, actions and appearance than anyone else could ever be. And lately, I've really been judging something that is very personal in nature - the way I pray.

It has felt so scripted. Not genuine. Rushed. 


I decided I needed to be proactive and change the way I prayed. Immediately. Things around me seemed to be unraveling, and I have always known the only way to release yourself from the shackles of the world's problems is through prayer. Whole-hearted, surrendering prayer. But I had lost touch with how to really communicate with the God who is so big He created the heavens and the earth. The God who sent HIS SON to save me. Me! The sinner who is judged by many and judges herself too often.

My mom gave me a book that breaks down the act of praying and what prayer is into 28 day reading segments. Last week, I started the book and was instantly hooked. I noticed an immediate difference in how often I was praying, what I was praying about, and the sincerity of my prayers. I also immediately noticed a difference in how my days were shaping up and saw the hand of God in more activities.

But then I got to a chapter about setting aside time for God when it's hardest. The hardest time for me is in the wee hours of the morning, when the sun has yet to peek over the horizon to bring light to another day.

"Ugh," I moaned. "I already wake up so early to get work done before the boys wake up. God, do you really need me to get up 30 minutes earlier? Or can I do it mid-day or before bed?"

I felt a nudge on my heart that told me waking up early was what God wanted, but I decided to make time with Him fit my schedule.

I began having my quiet time whenever I could get a spare few minutes from work. Some days it was mid-afternoon. Some days it was during a rushed lunch break, with the computer screen in front me and new emails popping into my inbox. Some days it was right before bed, when my body ached and my mind was tired. And although I was giving God my time, it wasn't enough. And I knew it.

Monday, I found myself wide awake when Jimmy left for work. I had finished up some projects over the weekend so I had set aside Monday morning to sleep until the boys woke up. I tossed and turned in bed, desperate to fall back to sleep.

"Get up, Jessica. Get your Bible, find a quiet spot and read," God urged.

"But, today is my day to sleep in. I have a long week ahead and I really need this extra sleep," I grumbled.

"Trust me."

I picked up my Bible from beside my bed and took it into the closet, away from the hum of the baby monitor and distraction of my comfortable bed. I read another chapter of my book and had some genuine, heartfelt worship right there on the floor of my closet. I felt invigorated and full of life, but God had something else to say.

"Get back in bed. Curl up with the blankets all around you and fall back to sleep," He said.

"Um, God, are you aware that my children are scheduled to wake up any minute now?" I asked Him.

"Trust me."

I did as He instructed and guess what? I got an extra hour of amazing sleep.

The next morning, I forgot to get up 30 minutes earlier than usual for my quiet time. I scurried to the closet (I deemed this my new favorite spot for quiet time), feeling like I had to rush through the chapter and readings.

"Take your time," God said.

"But....but....don't you understand the kids are set to get up ANY MINUTE NOW!?" I asked, panicking.

"Trust me."

I took my time and felt an even greater closeness to God by the time I finished.

And, much to my surprise, the kids ended up sleeping long enough for me to have quiet time AND get in an hour's worth of work.

This morning, there was no hesitation. I didn't try to plead with God or convince Him that I knew my kids' schedule better than He did. Can you believe that? I tried to reason with the God who created my kids! The One who knows their schedule for the rest of their lives!

I felt silly and small. But I also felt His presence all the more near. I sent myself back to the basics of prayer and have since felt my heart transform. I am no longer struggling to get through days, sick with worry over how to get everything accomplished. I am happier. I pray throughout the day. I have the kids pray throughout the day with me. ("Dear God, please teach us patience.")

It's amazing how much I had forgotten about the power of prayer. Now, I just can't seem to get enough.

If you're feeling the same way I did, or just want a closer relationship with God through prayer, read the Gospel and model the prayers of Jesus. Or read Samuel and see how simple and heartfelt Hannah's prayers were. There are so many models of prayer in the Bible, all there for you to read and follow!