Thankful

Yesterday, as I sipped a cup of coffee, sorted through and answered work emails and enjoyed the peace of both boys sleeping, I had Kathie Lee and Hoda on in the background. They grabbed my attention when they began a mini-segment on "Mometition." They interviewed so-called specialists on what to do if you are involved in competition with other moms about the growth and development of your child. I laughed to myself as I tried to wrap my head around something so absurd - who would possibly stoop so low as to compare a child's development with others in attempt to gain some sort of bragging rights? I couldn't imagine trying to "one up" my friends when discussing what our kids were doing and achieving.

And then, today, I read a friend from college's blog. His wife delivered their first son yesterday, and although they knew from 20 weeks gestation that he had some developmental issues, they had to take him off respirators today and give his life to the Lord. Tears welled in my eyes as I read their story. The only person to ever hold the baby was his mother, and it was shortly after their first embrace that he was removed from the tubes and passed away. It was with such conviction and love that they wrote about their story and thanked people for comfort and prayers during a time of emotional and physical exhaustion. The words they used to describe the event were uplifting and never angry. My heart aches for them and the deep suffering they are enduring; to lose a child just 19 hours after birth cannot be easy.

After reading the story, I walked over to where Jackson slept and kissed him on top of the head. I said a prayer over the family and the loss of their little angel who is now enjoying a life of no restrictions and pain. With Jackson, we never faced the possibility of him not making it. He was healthy from the start; it was just a matter of how long he could last in my belly and that would in turn amount to how long his stay in NICU would be. Today we also found out he has gained his birth weight back and an ounce more. I looked down at him and cannot imagine what it would have been like to have lost him. Parents aren't supposed to outlive their children.

I was taken back to the "Mometition" story from yesterday after some prayer and reflection. How silly to compare your child's achievements and milestones! How petty and absolutely childish. There are families out there with children who are sick and will never heal, parents who have lost their little ones much too early, and couples who dream of becoming parents but cannot conceive. Yet, society has programmed us to outdo each other.

Sorry, guys. I'm not caving and giving into that ridiculousness. I won't compare my children to others and if I'm proud of something they're doing, it's not an attempt to outdo anyone else. My children are blessings - two very adorable blessings that I was once told I may never have. God had bigger plans than what the doctors thought, and I will never take for granted a day of their existence. For them and their love, I am thankful.