When life gives you lemons.....

I've struggled with whether or not to sit down and write this blog. Recently, something happened to our little family that completely caught us off guard and sent us into a downward spiral of disappointment and devastation.

We found out that Jimmy didn't get the job. The job. The job he rushed a certification to get; the job he bent over backwards to impress administrators for; the job he jumped through hoops to prove he was ready for. It was the job.

But then again, maybe it wasn't. Maybe we thought this job was the end-all, the answer to our prayers about security and stability in terms of employment. We saw a family income increase, the ability to stay close to family, and a job that Jimmy could see himself never leaving. God had bigger plans.

At first, we had trouble seeing through the devastation to the bigger, brighter picture God has already painted for us. I had trouble seeing anything, to be honest, through the flood of tears that I couldn't control for hours following the news. As a wife, this was the hardest moment for me to date. I saw in my husband's eyes a kind of heartbreak that no wife should ever witness. It wasn't like he just waltzed in there expecting the job - no, he was built up and encouraged and told it was his opportunity to lose. He nailed the interview, took with him more experience and passion for broadcast than they will ever find in another candidate, and he walked away with nothing.

Yesterday, we woke up and harbored angry emotions as opposed to devastated ones. A million questions have swirled through our heads. What went wrong? And then we transitioned to the silly stage. We kept laughing and goofing off. And you know what? It felt good. It felt better than good. It was something we hadn't done in months, ever since Jimmy began the journey that would lead to eventual disappointment. Through it all, God gave us humor and enormous amounts of love. I just asked for strength. I wanted to be strong for Jimmy, pick him back up and put him back together, all the while letting him know that no one in this world could be more proud of him than me. God granted me that strength immediately. At times, I didn't need words. My presence in the room was just enough. And once the laughter came, it was as if we released a burden we had carried for months. The stress about that particular job was gone. There was so much pressure on Jimmy to get this particular job, we forgot about all other jobs and potential plans for our life. And now, as scary as it is to have no clue what the future holds, the atmosphere in our house is so much lighter. It's weird that with a less certain plan for our future comes more relaxation. Before, we were trying to map everything out ourselves. Plan the perfect future. A house. A new car. More kids. A charmed life. God had bigger plans, and He always will.