A Runner's Prayer

I haven't run in quite some time.

To be honest, I haven't done much physical activity in a long time. My doctor asked what sort of physical activity I do to stay in shape, and I replied, "Doesn't chasing three under three count?"

I sort of meant it. If you think about it, between running up and down stairs multiple times in a day, squatting to pick up toys at least five times a day, bending over cribs, picking the boys up, putting them down, swinging them around, playing tickle monster, rolling on the ground, and the occasional crunch I throw in when I have a few minutes in between games, I like to think I'm more than covering the amount of cardio I should have each day.

But when I was browsing Instagram and Pinterest (two things you should never do if you're feeling "blah" about yourself) I realized my friends who were posting their work out results had something I didn't - alone time. Time to just hit the pavement, or treadmill, and just have time to themselves. When I thought about it as more than just burning calories, I started to crave it.

Tonight, I laced up my running shoes. I muttered a small prayer under my breath that my right ankle would hold strong during the run (poor ankle has a tendency to not cooperate when I need a run most) and headed out the door. Route in mind, I started. I hit my first mental marker, and I felt confident, strong. When I hit my half-way point, I felt tired and worn out. I looked around to see if anyone on the neighboring road could see my struggle. I was embarrassed. Defeated. I wouldn't let my feet stop from moving under me, though.

Push, Jess. Push, I thought to myself.

Right before I slowed to a walk, I started praying out loud. I started thanking God for the small things about my run I loved: the sound of puddles as I splashed through them, the smell of freshly cut grass, the pink and blue sky above as the sun set on the horizon....

I'm still running! I'm still going! Don't stop now, Jess, don't stop! 

Then, I started to thank God for everything I could think of. I had a full-blown conversation with my Heavenly Father in a time when I felt like my body would no longer go another step, and before I knew it, I realized I had doubled the path I wanted to initially take. My struggle was gone. My mind was clear. My heart was gracious.

I've had a bit of a writer's block with my book the past few days, wondering how I'll put certain pieces of my literary puzzle together. Things have felt frazzled, rushed, and even forced at times. But this run, this beautiful, ask-for-His-mercy-and-strength-and-receive-it run gave me clarity. Certain pieces are now fitting together. I've realized that there's no need to rush, because in the end, it's only allowing my heart to follow His timing that will result in His ultimate reward. And it's not just like that with my book - it's like that with life. I wanted to force my run tonight, but when I surrendered it all in prayer, He took me farther than I envisioned being able to go. It's time I train my heart and mind to surrender in the struggle of controlling everything around me and feeling inadequate and embarrassed when I don't, and allow Him to control the pace. The distance. The grand finish.