Appointment 2

I honestly thought I would have much more time to sit around and blog now that I'm on bed rest. But let's not pretend - I'm having a lot of trouble lying in bed all day. Remember, I am here alone for a good chunk of the day and my 10 month old son needs tending to. So, go ahead, start shaking your head while thinking of the lecture you want to give me right now. But before you do so, remember, I'm still a mom. And I work. Full time jobs for both. I have moved the air mattress downstairs, stopped cooking, and am only on my feet when it's absolutely necessary. But I do have to pick my son up (again, only when necessary) and I do still have to get up to get him away from things that could hurt him. And as much as I would love at this point to just be in bed all day, that isn't going to happen without some serious help, but please know, I'm doing the best I can.

I had my second appointment today and they started it right off the bat with a shot in the right side of my rear end. Glorious. The pain from the shot last week literally just subsided yesterday evening, and here we are, ready for round two. I'm also not entirely convinced these shots are working to their full potential because I'm still having painful contractions. To answer any lingering questions: yes - I drink plenty of fluids a day and yes - I'm eating plenty as well.

Dr. Rawson listened to my story about how Saturday night the contractions were back with a vengeance, as if they knew I was trying to prevent them. I told him I didn't call because it was 1 in the morning and I had an appointment scheduled for Tuesday morning. I promised Jimmy, and myself, I would call if they got any worse, but they eventually went away. Dr. Rawson admitted if I called I would have been sent straight to the hospital and my chances of leaving would be slim, not without a few days of careful monitoring. Now, I'm on a home monitoring system for my contractions. I'm sitting here waiting for the company to call me back with the news I'm absolutely dreading - how much this home monitoring system will cost.

The good news is, I'm still not dilated. However my membranes are thinning out and it appears as if my body is preparing for dilation. Next week, I'm scheduled for round three of the progesterone shot, an ultrasound, another fFN test and of course, the ever-so-pleasant (sense the huge amounts of sarcasm dripping from those words) cervix check.

If you can't tell, I'm frustrated. I'm doing my absolute best to stay off my feet, stay hydrated, stay full and provide for both of my children. But I feel like I'm failing on all fronts. Jimmy is confined to the living room and we can no longer go on walks around our neighborhood in his red wagon. Brinkley is confined to the front of the house or the garage because I can't handle the onslaught of kisses she gives Jimmy and me when she's roaming about. Jackson is quite the little mover and I want him to stay in the cooker for as long as possible, but sometimes I just feel so inadequate as a mom for him. Where did I go wrong?!

Ahh, that felt a little better. A little venting never hurt anyone. I hope no one views my blog as a constant pity-party for myself, because trust me, it's not intended to be that way. If you know me, you know I hate every minute of this. I hate asking for help and admitting I need it is probably the hardest part of it all. I can handle watching movies from an air mattress while I play with Little People trucks and cars. I can handle not cooking for a few months (I'm terrible, anyways). But I am really struggling with openly admitting I need the help.

To all of you who have offered your prayers, dinners, and time with little Jimmy, I cannot thank you enough. The outpour of support during this difficult time is overwhelming. I have people contacting me that I haven't spoken to in years, and the encouragement from fellow Christians moves me in such a way I am daily brought to tears. It's incredible to feel this loved and cared for. It is the greatest gift as a mother to know your children are loved above all else.

My new mantra (besides the Bible verses I have written around my house for daily encouragement) is this: "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming....." :)