A Mommy Moment

When I first got pregnant, I joked with all of my friends that they should get to having a baby as well. It was definitely more on the joking level, seeing as I didn't want to progressively get bigger as they all got skinnier with bathing suit season right around the corner. I was also terrified about all the changes that my body, relationships, and lifestyle would undergo. After tonight, I can only pray all my friends find the right time in their lives to have children, and not just so I can have people to share experiences and fears with.

I was under the impression this gorgeous Saturday evening was going to be time for Jimmy and I to spend some together, without interruptions. After dinner, we finished watching a movie and I was excited when I looked at the clock and it was still relatively early. I had pictured a lazy night on the couch, the baby between us as we enjoyed a movie and light conversation. When Jimmy looked over at me and said he was going out for the night, my heart dropped and I was a little upset. He left, and I decided it was time for baby Jimmy to put on his pajamas and read a book with me. I chose to read My Little Golden Book About God because it was a childhood favorite of mine, and as the mother of this precious miracle, it is my job to teach him as much about his Savior as possible. I got to the first page and broke into tears.

"GOD IS GOOD" was all the first sentence read.

Tears flooded my eyes and rolled down my cheeks onto Jimmy's pajamas. He was trying to focus his eyes on the beautiful artwork on the book page; my focus was now down on him. My heart filled with so much emotion as I stroked his head and was again swept away by the miracle in my arms. I gently called his name to get his attention to me. He looked up at me, yawned, and smiled a giant smile. The tears rolled even harder. This time, his mouth curled up into an open smile and a tiny little chuckle came from him. I know it wasn't a real laugh, and I fully understand these smiles aren't the result of anything I'm doing. But it moved me in a way I've never been moved before. I looked around at his beautiful nursery and all I could think about was how my only job in this world now was to love this little boy and bring him up as a follower of Christ.

My child doesn't care how much money I make or where I live. He doesn't care if he has drawers full of clothes or even if we take lavish vacations. He only cares that he can feel love and compassion from his parents and that he is provided for. I am now a provider. A giver of life. I am needed in a way I have never been needed before.

And at that moment I was no longer upset that Jimmy was out with friends. God gave me that precious moment of tears and joy and it is a moment I can never recreate but will hold in my heart forever. So now, to all my friends, I can't wait for the time in your lives when you will be ready for children so you can experience these beautiful moments of parenting bliss.