- Miserable - Last week I came down with what I thought was a little cold. Simple over-exertion mixed with not enough sleep. But I was wrong. When I woke up Monday morning my ears, nose and throat felt awful. A visit to the doctor showed a double ear infection and sinus infection. Enter the Z-pack.
- Pride - Later Monday morning I took Jimmy for his first visit to his preschool. I was so proud of how big he acted while we were there. He used his very best manners, held my hand, and talked to everyone.
- Sadness - But then, when we walked into what will be Jimmy's classroom, my heart ached. I will never forget how his little hand left mine to go join the other kids. He never even looked back. It was like it all happened in slow motion, too, which made it even worse. I remember trying to grasp on to any one of his five fingers and then one by one they slipped from my hand. He was ready for his next big adventure, and he didn't need me.
- Joy - I was feeling such a wide range of emotions after the preschool tour I thought it would be fitting that night to head to Target and get Jimmy his big boy undies to signify another step towards him becoming a "big boy." He picked out a package of undies with five different Pixar designs (fitting, I know). I left the boys with Jimmy while I headed to another aisle to grab something I needed for the house, and when I rounded the corner to head back to the cart, I exploded with laughter. There, in the middle of Target, little Jimmy was proudly displaying his new undies on his head, while Jackson was bouncing up and down laughing. I asked (big) Jimmy if this was his doing or if our son acted on his own, and he assured me that little Jimmy pulled out each and every pair and picked just the right one to adorn his head - no help from daddy at all. While I should have been embarrassed, I couldn't help but laugh. Why succumb to embarrassment and waste a textbook hilarious moment?
- Frustration - Tuesday, as if on cue, both kids decided they would get into everything they shouldn't and disobey the house rules. Hitting was abundant. Screaming was incessant. Temper tantrums filled our day. I went from an aching heart the day before to complete and utter frustration. Of course, that night Jimmy wouldn't be home as he had to attend a spring banquet so I was left to wrangle the kids as best I could and get them, some how, some way, to bed time without somebody losing it.
- Guilt - After bath time (the best way to get my kids not only tired out, but calmed down), I ushered the kids out of my bedroom and proceeded to close the bedroom door. Little did I know Jimmy's finger was lodged in the area of the door where the hinge is located, and while I picked up wet towels from the ground in my room he was screaming in pain on the other side of the door. I thought he was upset that I wouldn't let him in there, but when I opened the door he revealed a swollen, bloody pinky finger. It took forever to calm him down and convince him that it would be ok (all the while I'm trying to convince myself it will be ok. What do I do? Go to the hospital? Does he need x-rays?) I was able to get a good look at the finger and see that it was either severely jammed or broken, but there would be little a doctor could do for him. I got him some Tylenol and put him to bed, but I felt extreme guilt the rest of the night at what happened. It was an accident on both parts, but I have never seen one of my kids in so much pain and not been able to help. I cried next to his crib when I checked on him later that night and prayed that God would heal that little finger fast.
- Relief - The next morning, Jimmy woke up and was back to his normal self. I was worried about the finger, but the swelling had gone down significantly. I knew he would survive when I caught him swinging from the kitchen island like Tarzan, using his injured hand as a main anchor. Little boys sure do bounce back fast.
I can run through a gauntlet of emotions on a daily basis as a Mommy to two rambunctious little boys, but I wouldn't change it for the world.
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