Faithful

Today, it was inconvenient to be faithful.

Work piled up. Little Jimmy was irritable and needed my constant attention during times I couldn't seem to give it. I felt glued to my computer, working away at task after task I had been given. Where was the light at the end of this tunnel? God is doing big things for our company, but at the same time, this means the work piles up...and up...and up. So, I'm forced to find a balance yet again between being the mom I always dreamed of being and the provider I have to be. It was inconvenient to be faithful during this time as I kept saying to myself, "Why me?!" or "I guarantee I would be more motivated to work if more money was involved," or "This isn't fair to me." Me, me, me. I wailed all day about how unfair it all is and how I needed more time, money, and help. I needed sanity. I needed to be a mom and just a mom. It wasn't convenient during this storm to sit back and understand God's purpose and lessons.

Yesterday at church the entire sermon revolved around being faithful when it's convenient and more so when it isn't. When we got home from service, I explained this further to little Jimmy as he enjoyed his morning cereal. I preached to him as if I was someone to model this after, because it was a beautiful Sunday, my son was happy, my house was warm from the cool morning and everything was just right. Easy to be faithful, right?

And today turned it all upside down. When Jimmy walked through the doors I broke down again, feeling completely helpless. I could hear God whispering, "Oh ye of little faith..."

I knew what I had to do. I had to cast my burden on the Lord because as selfish as it may seem to me, it's what I'm instructed to do. So, I laid it down at the feet of the Lord and asked for complete forgiveness during my time of "me." I had not relied on my faith during a time when I needed it most. Having faith isn't always about standing up to those who don't believe or who question your faith; it's also about remaining faithful to God's promises and love when times seem the darkest. Although I stumbled for awhile, I was able to regain my strength and stand again. A few prayers, a walk along the waterway and a milkshake later, I was feeling much better. As an added gift, God gave me the most precious time with little Jimmy before I put him to bed. His belly laughs will ring in my ears for the rest of the night and his two toothed smile will embed such a joyful image in my memory.

Oh, the beauty of salvation. You can stumble and feel alone, and no matter how many times you try and have the world revolve around yourself, God always finds a way to bring you back to the reality of His love and forgiveness.